Anxiety

Anxiety, why am I feeling you today? What message are you trying to tell me?

I am aware that you are present with me right now, and I’m trying to understand why. I know a lot happened today—things that I needed time to process and deeply understand.

I’m realizing that I’m growing out of alignment with people who have been close to me for over 15 years. That’s a big pill to swallow, realize, and accept.

I truly believe that once you recognize the shift happening within you, but choose to avoid it, you end up keeping yourself stuck by your own power. The power we all hold within us is incredibly strong, but sometimes we use that same power to hold on to situations, relationships, and versions of ourselves that no longer serve us.

I am ready for true alignment in every area of my life.

I’m done trying to keep people in my life who choose to stay stuck in a reality simply because the effort that change requires feels like too much work—or maybe because they just don’t want to change. They are choosing to live without looking deeply at themselves. There is no judgment in that. Everyone has their own path.

But I’ve learned that when you continuously surround yourself with people whose energy is consistently low, whose outlook is mostly negative, and who repeatedly turn away from the issues they need to face in order to grow mentally and emotionally, it eventually affects you too.

I choose something different.

I choose a different community. A different environment. A different circle of people because I have chosen a different reality for myself.

I’m trying to understand why anxiety is sitting with me so heavily right now, and I think it’s because of acceptance.

I’m internally trying to process and accept this major shift taking place in my life. It doesn’t feel comfortable at all, but it also feels aligned. It feels right.

Starting over is scary, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.

I’ve spent so much of my life surviving. I’ve accepted whatever people were willing to give me, even when it wasn’t equal to what I was giving in return.

But I deserve reciprocity.

I deserve relationships where the effort, love, respect, and support flow both ways—not one-sided.

People say that when you truly begin loving yourself, you stop playing about yourself. I finally understand what that means.

I want the best for me. I want to be surrounded by people who inspire me, uplift me, challenge me to grow, and pour into me the same way I naturally pour into others.

So, anxiety…

Maybe you’re not here to hurt me.

Maybe you’re here to remind me that I’m standing in the middle of a transformation.

You’re reminding me that I’m grieving old versions of myself, old relationships, and old patterns while simultaneously making room for a life that is more aligned with who I’m becoming.

The discomfort isn’t proof that I’m making the wrong decision.

It’s proof that something meaningful is changing.

And for the first time, instead of running from that feeling, I’m choosing to sit with it.

I’m consciously aware of this shift.

And I trust that, on the other side of this discomfort, I’m finally meeting the version of myself I’ve been searching for all along.