Patience

I’m just a person who wanted love.

I’m just a person who wanted to be chosen.

I’m just a person who wanted to understand my worth.

Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that I was looking for those things in all the wrong places.

I wanted love so badly that I started living from fear—fear of losing it. I wasn’t really chasing love. I was trying to control it.

In the process, I lost myself.

I stopped paying attention to myself and became consumed with what I was afraid of losing. Living from fear makes you do things you normally wouldn’t do. It keeps you in a delusional state, holding on to an image of a situation that only you can still see.

The truth is, no matter how hard you try to control something, you never truly win that way.

I’m not in control of fate.

If there’s a lesson that’s meant to shape me for my highest good, I’m going to learn it whether I try to protect myself from the pain or not. My greatest fear has always been feeling that deep, soul-crushing heartbreak again. So I built walls. I tried to protect myself by controlling everything outside of me, hoping nothing would happen that wasn’t in my favor.

But control was never protection.

Now I’m taking a different approach. I’m talking less, listening more, and allowing myself to gain understanding instead of reacting. The more I do that, the more I realize I’ve been living blindly. I told myself I was keeping the peace, but it wasn’t peace at all.

It was emotional turmoil disguised as survival.

Yesterday and today have been uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.

But I know this pain isn’t meaningless.

Alchemy.

I’m going to turn this pain into creativity. I’m going to do things that scare me. I’m going to stop hiding.

Over these last seven years, I’ve learned lessons that completely changed me. And I’m genuinely grateful for every one of them. I’m also grateful for the person I shared those years with.

I don’t regret any of it.

I choose growth.

I’m still breathing.

I’m still moving.

I’m still surviving—even after one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.

Love has always been something I’ve poured my whole heart into. But for so long, I was pouring it outward while forgetting to pour it inward.

Now it’s my turn.

I have so much love to give myself, especially right now, and I need every bit of it.

Sitting in silence reveals the truth. It can be uncomfortable, but the truth is what sets you free.

I could blame everything on the retrograde… but sometimes life simply brings things to the surface because they’re ready to be healed.

The wounds that have been rising these last couple of days are old ones. Deep ones. And instead of running from them, I’m choosing to flow with them.

Tomorrow will be a different day.

But today, I will sit with every uncomfortable feeling.

I will let every emotion speak.

I will listen.

I will understand.

And when the time is right…

I will let it all go.