High Thoughts…

Man… I haven’t smoked weed in about 2½ weeks, and that’s a long time for me.

During those sober days, I had sober thoughts. And those sober thoughts brought me a lot of clarity.

I’ve realized that I’ve really been the cause of so much of my own suffering because of my own thoughts—my inner world.

I kept replaying the same thoughts over and over in my head. It was like those negative thoughts kept pulling me back in because it wasn’t easy not to think about them. They had a hold on me. Even when I tried to think positively, the negative thoughts would find their way back. I was choosing to stay stuck in a lower vibrational space through my own thinking.

That never really made sense to me… until recently.

I can’t control what other people think or what they choose to believe about me—or about anyone else. For so long, I wanted approval and validation. I wanted people to see me the way I wanted to be seen.

So anytime someone told me who they thought I was or assumed how I thought, and I knew it wasn’t true, I would fight so hard to correct them. Looking back, I know I came across as defensive… because I was. I was triggered.

But now?

I don’t crave other people’s approval the way I used to.

I honestly don’t care how someone chooses to see me anymore, because as long as I see myself, that’s enough.

Trying to live a life where I cared so much about other people’s opinions became exhausting. Just being me is so much easier. And these days, I’m choosing an easier life.

I feel like I’ve spent the last seven years healing… and healing… and healing. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve learned so much about myself on a deeper level.

When I really look back, I realize my whole life has been driven by love—but I was trying to control how I received it. I cared too much about people and things outside of myself.

When I smoked weed before, I thought I was just having fun. But the truth is, I was suppressing parts of my life because I didn’t like how my body felt when I was sober and sitting with all that heavy emotional energy.

Now I feel lighter.

I can understand how constant stress, emotional heaviness, and carrying dense energy for years could affect the body. Whether you see it as emotional, psychological, spiritual, or physical, I believe what we carry inside matters.

When I say I’m trying to heal, I mean I’m trying to heal on an energetic level.

And yeah… I’m high as hell right now.

But it feels different.

I’m not getting high to suppress myself anymore.

I’m getting high because my creativity flows differently now that I’ve learned to appreciate my sober mind. The biggest difference is that I genuinely like who I am sober. I don’t feel like I’m running from myself anymore.

I’ve let go of some heavy energy, and because of that, being sober doesn’t feel like something I have to escape.

For the first time in a long time…

It feels like I’m finally coming home to myself